It's Been A Long Time.

It's been a very long time since I posted here. I have several things to talk about.

For the past month or so, I've been a little sick. I let a little anxiety take over and I convinced myself that I was extremely sick, mostly because of the fatigue and the headaches, which are most likely caused by the anxiety in the first place, not to mention lack of sleep and stress from production. Anyhow, I know deep down that I'm going to be alright, and when I really think about it, there are so many people that are worse off than me. So many. Millions of people suffer loss and heartbreak, and life goes on because it has to. People grieve to move on.

Speaking of production, theatre is my soul. I adore everything about a musical, and live theatre in general. I'm auditioning for 'Snow White' next week. There's a lot of people who are better than me, experience-wise, anyway, but I intend to give it everything I have. I've got a monologue picked out and every time I get a burst of energy, or my headache becomes manageable, I intend to practice! I'd love to get a part. When production is over I feel rather empty.

I have one more thing to mention.
I understand that I am not conventionally attractive or what have you, but is it necessary for people to voice their opinions on such matters? Allow me to explain:
Today in English class, we had to do a re-enactment of the courtroom scene from 'To Kill A Mockingbird'. I had to be Mayella Ewell. This guy in my class who is constantly asleep was chosen to be Tom Robinson. Now, I haven't spoken to him in a long time, all I remember is the two of us not getting along in elementary school, and nothing has happened since then. When the judge tells Mayella "You're a big girl", this clever young man playing Tom starts to snicker and whisper. Thank you, I am well aware of how I look. There are many people larger than me.

When Mayella is asked who raped her, she is supposed to point at Tom and he is supposed to stand up. According to MY script, he had no line at that point. However, when he stood up, he said "I must have been drunk."
He was absolutely not talking about Mayella in context to the book at all, and everyone knew it. Nobody laughed. I finished reading my part.
Things like this don't bother me as much as they used to, but I just wanted to mention it because, personally, I believe that every single person on this earth is beautiful and worthy in one way or another, and should never be made to feel like they aren't. I know some people really struggle with such things, and it isn't fair. I used to, I really did. I don't anymore. I'm perfectly happy with myself. The incident today made me wonder, however, how many people he's made to feel bad. Nobody can make you feel bad unless you let them, ever.