The Fever.

I'm almost finished The Catcher In The Rye. It's one of those books where nothing of significance has happened yet, and I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen. It's all very entertaining, nonetheless. Afterwards I'll finish Jane Eyre, and move on to something else.

I'm kind of boring, aren't I?
I've caught some sort of virus. It's really unfortunate. I was having anxiety attacks in quick succession, and I think it wore my immune system down to the equivalent of an infant. I'm so out of it I have to try really hard to process what I'm writing right now. I've slept more than can be healthy in the past three days, and everything is exhausting me! I should eat. Since Monday afternoon I've eaten three pieces of toast and a banana. I've also had at least three times my weight in gingerale.

Lately, I've really wanted it to be Christmas. I was never a big fan of Halloween and it's looking like I'll be sick anyhow. Once when I was younger, eight or nine I think; I was sick on Halloween, and I had to stay home. My brother went out door to door with my cousins, and then they each gave me half their candy. I'll never forget that.
Christmas. I really would like it if it was closer to Christmas, or if there was more snow on the ground. It snowed once, and then it rained and ruined it. Christmas is probably my favorite time of year, and I believe if anyone really thought about it, they wouldn't actually have to stress about shopping and such. I really don't see the stress factor in it at all.

I have been listening to a great deal of Bob Dylan lately. There's always an amount of Dylan in my song transistions, but lately, more than usual. He is probably one of my favorite lyricists.
I think this post is jumping strangely from topic to topic, much unlike my usual style, but the fever is getting to me.

Believe

Anyone who reads this (all two of you) or who knows me in general, might possibly know of my strong affinity for making lists of things. A list can have power if it's interesting enough. I decided today to make a list of my personal beliefs. Now is as good a time as any.

2012 is not going to happen.
Marijuana is a gateway drug.
Religion is severely hypocritical.
Woody Allen is the greatest cinematic mind of all time.
Everybody has reasons behind being the way they are.
Men who find women that are unbelievably thin carbon copies of everyone else attractive for their looks have something really wrong with them. If the personality is there, I can agree with that.
Self-esteem is a delicate thing at any age.
Love is a delicate thing, too.
Early autumn is the most beautiful time of year.
Being in a musical is the greatest experience.
If you drink for the sole purpose of getting drunk, you're an alcoholic.
Counting calories is bad for the soul.
Animal testing has absolutely no purpose whatsoever.
Creative writing is the only way to learn.
Everyone is attractive in some way.
Everyone has a right to be happy.
Anyone can sing.
Anyone can write an amazing story.
It's okay to tell yourself you're attractive. You are.
Everyone will fall in love.
McDonalds is the work of demons.
Denim mini-skirts should not exist.
Nickelback should also not exist.
"The Great Gatsby" is the greatest book ever written.
Every woman should own a gypsy-inspired dress.
Taking self-portraits is not vanity. Bending over as far as you can to take your self-portrait in your push up bra, to ensure maximum amount of cleavage in the exact same picture seven hundred times all over Facebook, then editing it until your face looks like very dark plastic, is.
Trying very hard to hang on to and help something that is a lost cause is not good for you.
The Beatles will always be the greatest thing that happened to the universe.
High school is never over.
Cellphones are not taking over. Cellphones can be turned off, contrary to the popular belief of those who feel the need to send eight thousand text messages when you are attempting to converse.
Trying very hard not to conform is conforming.
People who do what they know is right, without influence from anyone, deserve The Nobel Prize.
Obama did not deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.
Dhani Harrison is an exact, molded replica of his father.
School dances were designed to make people sweaty and miserable.
Happiness absolutely has to start within.
There is nothing wrong with speaking your mind. About anything.
Kanye West is never going to let you finish.
Love exists.
Nuclear war is not likely to happen. It's a lose-lose situation.
The only reason good things come to and end is because something better is waiting.
The cycle of life is vicious, but necessary.
There is never really an end.

Much Too Vague.

When something you are passionate about seems to be becoming extremely political, it's more than dissappointing.
I don't feel the need to be specific on this topic. Vagueness is always something I've tried to acheive in everything anyhow.
This time, something is riding on it that makes it a much bigger deal than it's been in previous years. This is making people tense, and it's making authority figures political.
Some people, who are lovely people, but shall become the subject of my polite tyrade, have received positions that they don't necessarily deserve. They received these positions because of their connections, and I am very much aware of it. I have no connections. There is one person, in particular, who I really think is charming, but I feel I could do much better in their position. It sounds awful. I know. It's just how I feel. The person in question received this position, in part at least, because they are of relation to someone who has very high connections to this whole, horribly vague mess.
Besides that, it's become much less light-hearted than last time, which is very saddening. It used to be a very fulfilling experience, and now it seems to be stressing everyone to breaking point.
Awkward conclusion.
Vague enough?

Death and Empathy

Lately, death has been hanging over my head like an extremely inevitable cloud.
Am I going to die?
No. Not any time soon. I do have trouble shaking the feeling, however. I become this way every so often. I'm rather prone to anxiety attacks, which I have no problem controlling at this point. This doesn't make them any less unpleasant. These mixed with the inevitability of death shakes me.
I had better explain further:
I am afraid of death at the moment, slightly. There are many, many things I would still like to do. When the time does come, I won't be afraid for myself. I won't be able to feel anything, or watch it happen. I'm terrified for those who will. I believe part of why I feel so strongly is caused from an overwhelming sense of empathy I carry with me all the time. I want everyone to be happy. I really, really do. Which is why I can't do things that most people can like watch the news, or a particularily sad film. Knowing that I am going to cause sadness, and an overwhelming sense of loss of control in people I love especially, makes me insane.

Where I Go From Here.

I finished "The Great Gatsby".
It was the saddest, most magnificent book I have ever read. And now I'm almost finished "Jane Eyre". Change in plans about the Jane Austen books. It's on to "The Catcher In The Rye" after this.
In other equally enthralling news, I am pleased to announce my overall general happiness with life at the moment. It's genial, really. Although, it really doesn't take much to make me happy. I would say that can only be a good thing.
Also! I've decided I'd really like to be a writer. A journalist, perhaps. I haven't decided what field in which to write, but I'd really like to do it. I always felt like I had to strive so hard for music, and I'm really not that talented when it all comes down to it. I can sing, but anything instrumental comes awkwardly and unnaturally if it comes to me at all. Much unlike writing. Writing pours from me like it's been waiting there for the moment I decided to let it out. So, to add another goal to the wonderful list of "Soon-to-be Accomplishments", I will start writing things besides blog posts. More songs and poems, as usual, but I should also like to broaden my horizons into things like short stories. We'll see where I go from here.