October.

October changed.
It lit me with passion, and extinguished it suddenly, without warning.
It left me no sign to explain or console.
No instruction.
It left no light on.
I stayed immobile, in the dark.
I didn't measure in time.
Only in feeling. Aches that told me to sleep, but fear that would have none of it.
And photos.
It's painfully easy to measure in photos.
A haircut, a suit, a surgical mask.
I used my units of time carelessly, and continued blindly.
No instruction, no light.

Burlesque Is Rather Interesting.

There's something I've been researching a little more lately. I've always been interested in it. I figure I might as well post about it. I haven't blogged in a long while.

Strippers are not always attractive. Many of them are really, really thin, and sickly looking. They put no effort into their hair, and the clothing is never spectacular. The routine is the same old thing. The pole, every time. And they come out nearly naked. There's no teasing, there's nothing about it that makes them stand out. Nothing makes them a performer, a seductress. And may I just mention again that they have no body? They always look sick.

But, have you ever seen a burlesque dancer? They're gorgeous. The routine is a performance. There's so much effort. The clothing is amazing. I absolutely adore vintage lingerie and swimsuits. It's like a moving pin-up girl with attitude. And the bodies. I have seen burlesque dancers in every single size. To see someone who represents something sexual that actually has a figure is refreshing. Some of them are tall, some are short. Some have tattoos and piercings. It's amazing.

I don't go to school dressed like a pin-up, obviously. I don't do my hair and if anything, I kind of dress like a burnout sometimes. Whenever I've had to do an essay or answer a question on my future, I've never mentioned burlesque, of course. However, it's been a secret aspiration of mine for a very long time. I've always especially admired Dita Von Teese. She's one of the smaller performers in the industry, but she's still fabulous. She always loved vintage fashion, and worked at a strip club when she was young. She was sorely dissapointed in the routines, and in how they dressed and acted. I feel the same. Some routines are better done than others, and in the end it is stripping, but it's the build up, the performance. It's admirable, it's really performing. Stripping is kind of sleazy, burlesque is an art.

A Short Post.

Alright.
Last week will go down in the history books as the worst week of all time. I decided not to post anything I'd regret. I've returned, however!

I am still not finished 'The Catcher In The Rye', but I'm getting closer. I don't know what I'll read after that. I've been thinking perhaps 'Bridget Jones' Diary'.
A good book can make me feel so much better. I'm still rather ill, although I don't feel as bad as I did. I'm in this sort of delicate state where everything really bothers me. For example, I just heard on tele that H1N1 has been killing people with no underlying conditions. Now I'll have to calm myself down all over again. Also, I woke up at four o'clock this morning and my television was still on. It was a documentary-type show about the beheading that happened on the Greyhound bus last summer. What a thing to wake up to. I'm more than a little paranoid.

Anyhow, lately I've gained quite a bit of respect for people I didn't really think much of before. For example, Pamela Anderson does quite a bit of work for animal rights, petitions against the seal hunt and has a line of beauty products that aren't tested on animals. Also, Anne Murray was on 'The Hour' today. When you look back on her career, she was really quite good. Also, John Lennon once told her that her cover of 'You Won't See Me' was his favorite cover of a Beatles song. Talk about amazing.

I suppose it'll be a short post, then. I haven't got too much to say at the moment.

Family Ties.

I have come to realize the importance of family. When I really reflect, I would be in an extremely bad way if I didn't have the family that I do.
I appreciate my family more now, as a teenager, than I did when I was younger. I can better see what they did for me, what they do for me still. I could never imagine what it is like for people who's families walk out on them. I don't know how they cope, or live day to day, for that matter.

My immediate family was divided in a rather bad divorce. I saw it coming for an extremely long time, yet that didn't soften the blow at all. Once the dust had settled, however, it was so much better. It was quieter, people were happier. When my mother started dating, however, I took it less than well. I had never seen my father often, even when my parents were married, so to see him with someone else didn't bother me much. I've always been very attached to my mother however, and I'll be the first to admit it. It took me a long time to accept anyone outside the sanctity and safety of what we had.

Once I did, I realized how fortunate I was. Nothing could have weakened love in our family. The seperation only strengthened loyalty and affection on both sides. I wouldn't wish the ordeal on anyone, of course. Since it's all happened I've developed trichotillomania and a mild anxiety disorder, but that, too, is aided and soothed by family.

Illness has strengthened our bond, too. I always loved my grandmother, but since she had breast cancer I realized just how strong-willed and determined she is, and I hope to be half as perseverant as her someday. I feel the same about my aunt since her thyroid cancer, not to mention the impressive amount of weight she's lost all on her own.

After my great-grandmothers death on my father's side, I remember how we all came together, even my family from B.C., for the funeral, and for dinner afterwards. I remember how strong I felt then, too. The love is everlasting.

Never take anyone who loves you unconditionally for granted.