The Great Gatsby.

Well, I've begun "The Great Gatsby."
It's very, very good so far. I think afterwards will be "Jane Eyre", and then all the Jane Austen novels that are on the list. I'd like to read them in sequence (even though they aren't sequels).

Otherwise I have nothing to report. School starts tomorrow. I should really make one of my goals to do with school but I probably won't. Most unfortunate.

Goals.

Well, hello.
Lately, I've been thinking much about goals, and what I would like to do with my life. Speaking in short and long terms, of course. I've decided I'd like to live in Europe. Maybe not for my whole life, but for a while, after university, for the experience. I've also begun saving my money to take a trip to England. I was looking at flights and the price of hostels last night. I could do it, most definitely. Besides that, I'd also like to save my money in general.
I've completed a few of these goals already, including to stop eating meat, to shop only vintage and secondhand, and to replace all the products I use to ones that aren't tested on animals. I have a list of some other smaller scale goals too, like getting a job, which really ties into the bigger ones, because of the whole money factor. Walking the dog every day, volunteering somewhere (that's a big one, I feel lately I should be doing more for others than I am at the moment)
But one that I decided yesterday, was to read BBC's list of the "100 Books to Read Before you Die." I've read a few of them, but definitely not the majority. The Bible is going to be a hard one for me, mostly because I have a few opinions on religion, that aren't necessarily pro-religion. Although sometimes I wonder about it. Maybe if I read the Bible I'll decide. Also, "Lolita" is on the list. Lolita is going to be virtually impossible to find. I'm determined to do it, however.
So, there you have it. I intend to accomplish all these goals. I haven't set a time limit for myself, because then I'll rush and do a half-ass job at everything. But everything will happen in my lifetime, I'll make sure of it.

What It Comes Down To.

I am beautiful the way I am.

Self Searching.

I am happy.
It used to be that when I went out for something as simple as a walk, I was trying to walk towards something. Something I wanted and needed. I didn't know what it was, but I would get up and leave what I was doing to walk and walk and walk with absolutely no enjoyment, until I stopped, sorely disappointed in not finding the nothing that I was looking for, and going back. It was the same way with dreams. Ever since I was young I had a recurring dream that I was looking for a dog for someone I barely knew. One day, recently, I had the dream and found the dog. And I haven't had it since. Maybe I didn't need to find anything, but if I did, whatever it was, I found it. I think what I needed to find most was myself. I needed to really see myself. I needed to stop having so many false ideals and just embrace what I am and learn to embrace what I will be.
Now, I'm just dreaming.
Now, I am just going for a walk.

Secrets

I've been checking the new PostSecrets every Sunday for a long time. And it has surprised me by being one of the most inspirational things I've discovered in a long while.

People mail in their secrets anonymously, on a postcard, to the man who operates the whole thing, Frank Warren. And the postcard is usually wonderfully creative. It's amazing to think that someone could put their trust in a total stranger, just so maybe for one moment they can connect with someone, share their pain with someone, make someone laugh, even though chances are they will never really know them. Some of them have genuinely made me cry. A short sentence, the secret of a complete stranger. Ones like "My mother killed my father long before he killed himself." That one will always stay with me. When you read something like that, you feel it. And the same goes with the ones coming from people who have realized they are in love or people who have finally realized what they are worth in this world.

Some of them are hilarious. I will never forget reading one that said "As a child, on my aunt and uncles farm, I fed a chicken nugget to a chicken. I still feel bad about it.

I've felt horrible about keeping secrets. I've come to realize that they're necessary. I strongly advise anyone who hasn't read PostSecret yet to do so. And those of you who do read it, mail in your secret, because you have one. We all do. Chances are you'll feel liberated.

You make me merry, make me very, very happy.

Looking back on previous posts, they haven't all been positive.
Actually, hardly any of them have been positive.
And really, my life has much more positivity than I make it out to have. I have an abudance of things to be happy about. I made a list, once, of things that make me happy. And I thought I'd dig it up. I thought I'd put it here. I write a lot of lists, but you have no idea of the chaos into which my life would descend without them. Heh. So, here it is.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY:
Old couples.
Pajama bottoms.
Folk singers.
Christmas specials.
Iced tea.
A really good movie.
Interesting people at coffee shops.
Seeing friends at the grocery store.
Weddings.
Family reunions.
A really good book.
Babies.
Comic books.
Floral prints.
Sleeping cats.
Finishing a song.
Coffee.
Paul McCartney's smile.
Waking up.
Flip-flops.
Really tall trees.
A white Christmas.
A calm lake in the summer.
Warm rain.
Carefree people.
Grandparents.
Pregnant women.
Snowstorms.
Sunsets.
Sunrises.
Perfect moments.
Nail polish.
Waking up on Sunday morning.
Gospel.
Acoustic guitar.
Vintage shops.
British accents.
Fruit baskets.
A good picture.
Little kid's finger paintings.
People who are confident.
Lipstick marks on coffee mugs.
Un-made beds.
Long hippie dresses.
Headscarves.
Fundraisers.
Cottages.
Old pianos.
Black labs.
The word "Hallelujah."
Holding the door for an elderly person.
Dancing.
Going for a drive to nowhere in particular.
Three A.M. drive thru runs.
Really good friends.
Musical theatre.
Saving money.
Looking at postcards.
When people smile at you as you pass them.
Friendly cashiers.
Toothbrushes.
Perfume samples.

Truly free and fragile .

Birth
Childhood
School
Graduation
College
Job
Marriage
Children
Retirement
Old Age
Death.
That's life. That's it. You go through the motions, and then it's over. What I've learned recently is, it's the people you surround yourself with, the path you take and the experiences you have that make it worth living. And perhaps everyone dies because it's the looming fact that it will end that makes you live your life to the fullest, or try to anyway. Maybe we're not here for an eternity so that we can enjoy the ride that much more. Life is not a vicious cycle, but a beautiful thing. I've decided to embrace my life, and love every moment, good, bad or indifferent.
I am finally at peace with my life, and I will be at peace with my death.